A nutritionist is someone who believes that what you put in your mouth, day in and day out, and how your body digests that, actually impacts your health – possibly more than anything else you do. As such, they go around pushing vegetables at people – not because they make any money (or friends) doing it – but because it’s the most benign food we know of. Nobody has proven vegetables cause any diseases.
They also pester people about their poo to assess digestion and to confirm that people are, in fact, eating their veggies.
Orthomolecular medicine was begun by Canadian biochemist-psychiatrist, the late Dr. Abram Hoffer, and it can be summarized as the science of nutrients and their impact on health. Today it's furthered by a global collective of physicians and nutritionists who study and use supplements to help the body overcome disease.
An orthomolecular nutritionist is a hybrid of the two disciplines: orthomolecular practitioner cum nutritionist. You can easily spot her by her blender, which costs the same as a small car and which she strokes and calls “my precious,” when she thinks you aren’t looking. You will also note the bottles of supplements spilling out of her cupboards, her fridge, her closets, her handbag, her pockets, and her car console and glove box. She was 10 years ahead of the ‘data’ on good fats and optimal levels of vitamin D and will not miss any opportunity that presents itself to remind people of it, whether they are interested or not.
You can easily spot her by her blender, which costs the same as a small car and which she strokes and calls “my precious,” when she thinks you aren’t looking.
An orthomolecular nutritionist will concede that vegetables are good and indeed, you can eat all the celery and kale you want, but you could also just add a quality green powder that contains dehydrated, organic, land and sea vegetable matter to a morning superfood protein smoothie with added medium chain triglycerides, docosahexaenoic acid, phosphatidylcholine, lactobacillus paracasei – and a whole host of other shit nobody else can pronounce, never mind remember – to get 8 servings of veggies and most of your daily nutritional needs all blended into a berry flavoured drink you can make and slam back in under 10 minutes. Then you are free to eat (whole food) things you actually like for the rest of the day.
It’s best not to make eye contact with said people or talk to them for too long, because they will be instantly scanning you for symptoms of nutrient deficiencies they just happen to be prepared – on the spot – to create a protocol to remedy.
Here’s how they throw down:
Assess your diet
Assess your digestion
Assess any health issues and the roots of same
Assess clinical signs of deficiencies or imbalances
Create supplement protocol to remedy any imbalances
Teach you how to make and slam back foods you never knew existed